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This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere! It's time for seriously hilarious girl-talk with New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline. She's shared this collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours . . . if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. Pick up this book―you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll swear off pantyhose. Here are some examples of Lisa's wit and wisdom:
"Everybody has their pornography, and mine is the real estate ads."
"We'll get universal health care before we get beauty salons open on Mondays, and that's backwards. Ask any woman if she'd rather have a haircut or a mammogram, and you'll see what I mean."
"Mothers are a natural force, and maybe an alternative source of fuel."
"Lately there's been talk about a religion that allows polygamy, so that a man can have as many wives as he pleases. Where is the religion that allows a woman to have as many husbands as she pleases?"
"I have never been in an accident, if you don't count my two marriages."
"My mother taught us that if you eat baked beans from a can that has dents, you'll die of botulism. This was before people injected botulism into their faces. Nowadays, the dented can will kill you, but you'll look young."
Inspired by her wildly popular column in The Philadelphia Inquirer entitled "Chick Wit," Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog is a book you'll have to put down―just to stop laughing.
- Sales Rank: #421414 in Books
- Published on: 2010-10-12
- Released on: 2010-10-12
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.27" h x .86" w x 5.48" l, .64 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Brief, punchy slices of daily life originally published in her Philadelphia Inquirer column allow novelist Scottoline (Everywhere That Mary Went) to dish on men, mothers, panty lines and, especially, dogs. Somewhere in her mid-50s, twice divorced (from men she calls Thing One and Thing Two) and living happily in the burbs with her recent college-graduate daughter and a passel of pets, Scottoline maintains a frothy repartee with the reader as she discusses ways she would redecorate the White House (Cupholders for all!), relies on her built-in Guilt-O-Meter to get dreaded tasks done (a broken garbage disposal rates only a 1, while accumulating late fees at the library rates a 7) and contemplates, while making a will, who will get her cellulite. For some quick gags, Scottoline brings in various family members: mother Mary, a whippersnapper at 4'11 who lives in South Beach with her gay son, Scottoline's brother Frank, and possesses a coveted back-scratcher; and her Harvard-educated daughter, Francesca. Plunging into home improvement frenzy, constructing a chicken coop, figuring out mystifying insurance policies and how not to die at the gym are some of the conundrums this ordinary woman faces with verve and wicked humor, especially how her beloved dogs have contentedly replaced the romance in her life. (Dec.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Scottoline, author of several thrillers featuring women and writer of the weekly Chick Wit column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, offers a collection of her published columns and additional commentary on life from a woman’s perspective. Her columns feature the people in her life—mom (aka Mother Mary), brother, daughter, friends, and her pets, including four dogs of long and faithful companionship, thus the title of the book. Minor characters are two ex-husbands she calls Thing One and Thing Two. Among her observations and ruminations: how divorce has led to families having multiple dogs, the virtues of visible panty and bra lines, starting a religion that allows women to have multiple husbands, how women’s magazines ignore women over 40, the bittersweet experience of a child going off to college, and the awkwardness of men determined not to look at women’s breasts, which results in fixed stares. Scottoline takes the fodder of everyday life and offers witty reflections from a female perspective. --Vanessa Bush
Review
“Scottoline savors every last bit of her life, and so will you.” ―People magazine
“Plunging into home improvement frenzy, constructing a chicken coop, figuring out mystifying insurance policies and how not to die at the gym are some of the conundrums this ordinary woman faces with verve and wicked humor, especially how her beloved dogs have contentedly replaced the romance in her life.” ―Publishers Weekly
“Scottoline takes the fodder of everyday life and offers witty reflections from a female perspective.” ―Booklist
“…shrewd, tart, sensitive and hard to resist.” ―Kirkus Reviews
“She has compiled about 70 of the funniest, smartest and most poignant dispatches into one deliciously exuberant collection. What really makes this collection so addictive is Scottoline's way of capturing everyday moments, dissecting them and coming up with unexpected and slightly off-kilter observations about life.” ―Book Page
Most helpful customer reviews
43 of 45 people found the following review helpful.
Laugh at Life
By Opa Wayne
I do not understand women. What man does? Lisa Scottoline writes about women from a woman's view. I think this book is insightful and funny. Women, I am certain, will probably understand references that leave me scratching my head. When she talks about being braless, for example, I get an image she probably did not intend.
Lisa Scottoline's new book is often hilarious, like when she writes about Spanx ("like slipping into a tourniquet"). Lisa, who wrote sixteen novels, also penned a regular newspaper column about the lives of ordinary women. Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog edits and re-presents her columns.
Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog, details events common to the lives of ordinary women. We relive incidents like: choosing which bacteria to accept, the art of reading ads, and lessons learned from Archie comic books. We see a new perspective on hot flashes, which are really "God's way of compensating women for all the years they spent being cold." Then we contemplate washing our face with diamond dust (it exfoliates the skin - but wash it off or your "face will be sparkly").
Two sections I especially enjoyed were the concept of a new religion where a wife can have as many husbands as she wishes, and a chore list where men can exchange "have a baby" with "take out the trash". The idea of men bearing the children is interesting at best and horrible to contemplate at worst.
I highly recommend this book for regular comedy breaks. The chapters are very short, so you can read a chapter during a 5 minute coffee break and take the laugh back with you to work. I especially recommend this book to women and hope someday a woman will explain the parts that passed me by.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Good book
By Colgate
Chapters are 3 pages long and are self-contained, so you can read as much or as little as you want. It can be thought provoking and it can be hilarious. Great book! Good for relaxation and stress relief.
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Lisa Scottoline, Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog
By MICHAEL G LUSTIG
Most of the brief essays in this book appeared in the column the author writes for the The Philadelphia Inquirer, presumably in order of publication. I found the book perfect for reading before bedtime. It is amusing and carries no significant message except to enjoy life and one's family. Scottoline's love of family is apparent on every page and cause for humor as she describes her relationships with her mother, brother, and daughter. As a change of pace, the latter has also contributed a few of the essays, giving a multi-generational view of life. Fortunately for pet lovers, Scottoline's family includes various animals, such as her dogs, cats, chickens, and a pony. Their antics are a source of amusement and their trials and tribulations tear at the heart strings. This is light reading but should certainly appeal to those who have struggled with the generation gap or are past the first blush of youth. It should also appeal to pet lovers, parents of grown children, and anyone looking for a bit of laughter at the end of the day.
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