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Libby Cataldi was the head of a private school and prided herself on being attuned to the problems her students endured. So how was it that she missed her own son Jeff's descent into addiction, even as he escalated to more and more dangerous drugs? How did Jeff, a loving brother and son, and a star athlete, start using in the first place? And how could Libby help him without risking the rest of her family?
"Stagli vicino", an Italian recovering addict told the author. "Stay close―never leave him, even when he is most unlovable." This is not a book about how to save a child. It is a book about what it means to stay close to a loved one gripped by addiction. It is about one son who came home and one mother who never gave up hope.
Stay Close is one mother's tough, honest, and intimate tale that chronicles her son's severe drug addiction, as it corroded all relationships from the inside out. It is a story of deep trauma and deep despair, but also of deep hope―and healing.
He told her, "Mom, never quit believing." And she didn't.
- Sales Rank: #216960 in Books
- Brand: Cataldi, Libby
- Published on: 2010-08-03
- Released on: 2010-08-03
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .72" w x 5.50" l, .56 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
From Publishers Weekly
For every drug addict there are at least four people affected, a depressing assertion by some experts that is clearly borne out in this soft-spoken, utterly honest account by educator Cataldi. The mother of two sons, Jeff and Jeremy, Cataldi became head of the Calverton School in Maryland in 1987, where the boys attended; she recounts chronologically how her oldest, Jeff, a bright, capable student, embarked from adolescence onward into an ever deepening and perilous spiral of drug abuse. From getting caught smoking at school in fifth grade, attending drug-sodden raves in high school, being arrested for possession of cocaine and ketamine, and selling drugs on campus, Jeff was continually rescued by his take-charge but admittedly naïve mother, now divorced from their father. Entering Boston University seemed to give Jeff a fresh start, yet he was soon enmeshed in the party scene; in debilitating health, he dropped out and bounced around among halfway houses and rehab centers. Jeff had become a master manipulator to get his fix, even when later jailed for heroin possession, and Cataldi learned to stop enabling her chameleon son by joining Al-Anon. Taking an Italian expression to heart, stagli vicino, she learned to stay close and let Jeff find his way, and while her love proved steadfast, a safe outcome was never assured. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
“Searingly honest and moving...[Cataldi] has broken the taboos about being the parent of an addict.” ―New York Daily News
“Cataldi's writing lays her emotions bare...she doesn't pull any punches, never shying away from the hard questions or the tough times.” ―The Capital (Annapolis, Maryland)
“For every drug addict there are at least four people affected, a depressing assertion by some experts that is clearly borne out in this soft-spoken, utterly honest account.” ―Publishers Weekly
“A spell-binding and anguished story...of a mother's deep love.” ―www.ewtn.com (Eternal Word Television Network)
“Mental health professionals and parents of addicts could benefit enormously from reading this heartrending story of a mother's struggle with her son's drug addiction. When Cataldi's hitherto healthy, straight-A student teenage son consorts with bad company and begins using alcohol and marijuana, the author misses the telltale signs. Before too long, he adds cocaine, heroin, and meth. Too late, Cataldi struggles to understand what went wrong as she endeavors to rescue him. Her narration and her son's, interspersed at key points, poignantly depict the story of addiction and recovery. While addiction memoirs proliferate, few wield the power of this one.” ―Library Journal
“As Virgil toured Dante through hell, so Libby Cataldi can hold your hand through a parent's ultimate nightmare. A gripping story of a bad time for a good person, and how she conquered it.” ―Tom Clancy
“Addiction poisons the whole family. It's the secret we keep from one another and we keep from ourselves. It is only when, like Libby Cataldi, we are willing to share our stories and shine a light into those dark corners that we can begin to recover.” ―Martha Tod Dudman, author of Augusta, Gone
“This is a mother's exceptionally touching, beautifully written story of pain, and ultimately hope. Cataldi writes a deeply honest, moving chronicle of how the natural, normal love of a family can lock everyone into a negative spiral of horrific loss of control. This mom bares the truth, which is full of confusion and baffling paradox.In a superb afterword, Patrick MacAfee explains how addicted families work and what a mysterious, counter-intuitive process it is to find your way to the freedom of recovery. The memoir, followed by the voice of the professional, offers a powerful guide to those lost in the midst of their own family addiction."--Stephanie Brown, Ph.D., Director of The Addictions Institute"Stay Close is the poignant and powerful story of one family's struggle to contend with the ravages of addiction in a beloved son and brother. With enormous courage and honesty, Libby Cataldi lays bare the searing family pain as her son descends into a world they cannot fully understand; her fierce efforts to bring him back to health and sanity; and, ultimately, the redemptive power of love, compassion, and a mother's willingness to stay close to her son even during the most harrowing of times.” ―Ron Goldblatt, Executive Director, Association of Independent Maryland Schools
Review
"Searingly honest and moving...[Cataldi] has broken the taboos about being the parent of an addict."--New York Daily News "Cataldi's writing lays her emotions bare...she doesn't pull any punches, never shying away from the hard questions or the tough times."--The Capital (Annapolis, Maryland) "For every drug addict there are at least four people affected, a depressing assertion by some experts that is clearly borne out in this soft-spoken, utterly honest account."--Publishers Weekly "A spell-binding and anguished story...of a mother's deep love."--www.ewtn.com (Eternal Word Television Network) "Mental health professionals and parents of addicts could benefit enormously from reading this heartrending story of a mother’s struggle with her son’s drug addiction. When Cataldi’s hitherto healthy, straight-A student teenage son consorts with bad company and begins using alcohol and marijuana, the author misses the telltale signs. Before too long, he adds cocaine, heroin, and meth. Too late, Cataldi struggles to understand what went wrong as she endeavors to rescue him. Her narration and her son’s, interspersed at key points, poignantly depict the story of addiction and recovery. While addiction memoirs proliferate, few wield the power of this one."—Library Journal
"As Virgil toured Dante through hell, so Libby Cataldi can hold your hand through a parent's ultimate nightmare. A gripping story of a bad time for a good person, and how she conquered it."--Tom Clancy
“Addiction poisons the whole family. It’s the secret we keep from one another and we keep from ourselves. It is only when, like Libby Cataldi, we are willing to share our stories and shine a light into those dark corners that we can begin to recover.”--Martha Tod Dudman, author of Augusta, Gone
“This is a mother's exceptionally touching, beautifully written story of pain, and ultimately hope. Cataldi writes a deeply honest, moving chronicle of how the natural, normal love of a family can lock everyone into a negative spiral of horrific loss of control. This mom bares the truth, which is full of confusion and baffling paradox.In a superb afterword, Patrick MacAfee explains how addicted families work and what a mysterious, counter-intuitive process it is to find your way to the freedom of recovery. The memoir, followed by the voice of the professional, offers a powerful guide to those lost in the midst of their own family addiction.”--Stephanie Brown, Ph.D., Director of The Addictions Institute“Stay Close is the poignant and powerful story of one family’s struggle to contend with the ravages of addiction in a beloved son and brother. With enormous courage and honesty, Libby Cataldi lays bare the searing family pain as her son descends into a world they cannot fully understand; her fierce efforts to bring him back to health and sanity; and, ultimately, the redemptive power of love, compassion, and a mother’s willingness to stay close to her son even during the most harrowing of times.”--Ron Goldblatt, Executive Director, Association of Independent Maryland Schools
Most helpful customer reviews
39 of 40 people found the following review helpful.
An important book for families in crisis.
By Michael G. Sengstack
Hearing about a family torn apart by drug abuse is not unusual, but what is unusual is how this family's story is told. This is a candid revalation of a family in crisis told from the perspective of the mother, her addicted son, and his other sibling. Each has a dinstinct perspective and tone of voice. This is a heroic story of how courage and persistence in love and support can slowly bring a family to healing. The struggle is not short, and the mistakes are admitted freely on all sides. This is a story for anyone who feels helpless in their struggle and wants to know what their loved one in need is feeling.
For me this story is more personal. I was one of the students at the school where Dr Libby Cataldi served as the head for 21 years. I knew her as a supportive advocate for all of us both in our education and our professional careers. I was one of the ones she was taking care of and who needed her. But my classmates and I had no idea of the personal struggle that was going on underneath all her smiles of encouragement. This book made me weep for her and for her family. I knew both boys as the extraordinary students and gentlemen they were as children. I remember thinking of the wonderful futures that I thought lay ahead for them with the benefit of their mother's support and love. How lucky I thought they were to have her. What I didn't know was how really lucky they would all be to have each other.
Read this book and think about how you can Stay Close in crisis, how you can manage through the fog of mistakes, and see through to a clear understanding of what makes family family.
25 of 26 people found the following review helpful.
Addiction...A lesson of Love.
By R. Nazelrod
Stay Close. More than a title. This books cuts to the meaning of Love. Addiction is a mystery and it comes in many forms. "Stay Close" takes the reader through an addicts life through the eyes of his Mother. This book is candid, provoking and filled with reality. Libby brings addiction out of the closet of shame and guilt, and into the forefront of understanding and even love. It is difficult to love an addict, and more difficult for an addict to love themselves. This book is guiding light not only for families effected by addiction but anyone with children. The phrase, "Love them through it." is only the beginning...
I'd like to thank Libby Cataldi for honoring and putting into words the deep love a Mother has for her children. It is not a weakness but a strength.
I would recommend this book to adults and teens; an invaluable lesson is written between every line.
22 of 23 people found the following review helpful.
redemptive power of a family's love
By A. Centeno
Stay Close is a brave and touching story of a mother's fight and painful journey to save her son from drug addiction. Libby Cataldi's voice as a mother and educator is beautifully sincere, shining a light on what many families today face and are often too ashamed to speak about.
Early in the book Cataldi describes her two beloved sons through memories of a childhood filled with playful laughter, leaving a powerful and moving snapshot of the visceral love that they have for one another. As a reader, this image is painfully shattered as Jeff, the eldest son, falls to drugs throughout the course of his adolescence and into adulthood.
When speaking about addiction, I've often heard people say "I don't get it. Why can't they just stop?" People often don't stop to think that addicts are in just as much pain as those that love them. The self loathing they must feel because they can't stop, no matter how much they try, is unbearable, I'm sure. I didn't fully understand this before reading Stay Close. Between the heart-wrenching stories retold by his mother and brother, you will find that even in the midst of a terrible drug addiction, the love for his family and essence of Jeff was always there. Maybe he was clouded at times, but the Jeff that Cataldi describes early on always remained. Jeff's personal account, inserted periodically throughout the book, also provides insight to a life of friendships, music, trouble and drugs. His reflections are like finding the missing pieces of a puzzle and that's what makes this book so unique and captivating.
Because the mother-child bond is unlike any other, mothers will be touched by this story on a different and deeper level. Cataldi touches on relationships, the struggles of being a professional, working mother and all that that entails, and the importance of working closely with loved ones to support and discipline your children - as a team and under a united front. However, there is something in this story for everyone, whether you're a spouse, sibling, friend, or addict.
Stay Close will leave you with a greater understanding of addicts and respect for the entire recovery process. Addiction is extremely hard on those that love them, but also on the addicts themselves. The idea of "stagli vicino" or "stay close," that powerful Italian phrase that forever changed the life of this family, is different from what we hear and are told to do when dealing with addiction. We've all heard about "tough love" and the importance of cutting addicts off - not only financially, but emotionally as well. This story speaks of another way. It speaks of love and emotional support, even when it is toughest to give.
Stay Close is not only about a mother's painful experience with her son's addiction. It's a story about the redemptive power of a family's love for one another and the importance of never giving up hope.
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