Saturday, October 31, 2015

# Ebook Free The Blood of an Englishman: An Agatha Raisin Mystery (Agatha Raisin Mysteries), by M. C. Beaton

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The Blood of an Englishman: An Agatha Raisin Mystery (Agatha Raisin Mysteries), by M. C. Beaton

"Fee, fie, fo, fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman..."
Even though Agatha Raisin loathes amateur dramatics, her friend Mrs. Bloxby, the vicar's wife, has persuaded her to support the local pantomime. Stifling a yawn at the production of "Babes in the Woods," Agatha watches the baker playing an ogre strut and threaten on the stage, until a trapdoor opens and the Ogre disappears in an impressive puff of smoke. Only he doesn't re-appear at final curtain.

Surely this isn't the way the scene was rehearsed? When it turns out the popular baker has been murdered, Agatha puts her team of private detectives on the case. They soon discover more feuds and temperamental behavior in amateur theatrics than in a professional stage show―and face more and more danger as the team gets too close to the killer.
The Blood of an Englishman is Agatha's 25th adventure, and you'd think she would have learned by now not to keep making the same mistakes. Alas, no―yet Agatha's flaws only make her more endearing. In this sparkling new entry in M. C. Beaton's New York Times bestselling series of modern cozies, Agatha Raisin once again "manages to infuriate, amuse, and solicit our deepest sympathies as we watch her blunder her way boldly through another murder mystery" (Bookreporter.com).

  • Sales Rank: #518478 in Books
  • Published on: 2014-09-16
  • Released on: 2014-09-16
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.45" h x 1.13" w x 5.69" l, 1.00 pounds
  • Binding: Hardcover
  • 304 pages

Review

“Beaton turns the cozy genre on its head....This delightfully wicked mystery is a quick and entertaining read.” ―RT Book Reviews on The Blood of an Englishman

“[The Blood of an Englishman] is another rollicking mixture of clever mystery-making and love gone wrong.” ―Kirkus Reviews

About the Author
M. C. BEATON has been hailed as the "Queen of Crime" (The Globe and Mail). Chosen as the British Guest of Honor at Bouchercon 2006, she is the New York Times bestselling author of twenty-four previous Agatha Raisin novels, the Hamish Macbeth series, and an Edwardian mystery series. Born in Scotland, she currently divides her time between Paris and the English Cotswolds.

Most helpful customer reviews

40 of 41 people found the following review helpful.
Less than what I'd hoped for
By Pattie
I discovered Agatha Raisin quite by accident. While browsing through a bookstore (remember those?), looking for the latest culinary cozy (a sub-genre that, as a foodie, I have come to embrace), I picked up a book called Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death, unbeknownst to me, the first in what has turned out to be a long and delightful series. A culinary mystery it was not (Agatha has been referred to as the queen of the microwave), but cozy it was (situated in what surely what must be the coziest place on earth, the English Cotswolds). And while not a culinary cozy, by definition, it was a book that left me hungry for more. Flash forward 22 years and we have The Blood of an Englishman, the 25th book in the series that finds me revisiting my dear friend Agatha. Tough, bossy, and competent in all of her undertakings, she is at the same time an insecure romantic, striving for perfection and the perfect man, and always coming up a little bit short.

The latest installment in the series features the usual, and expected, cast of characters in Detective Bill Wong, on-again, off-again friend Sir Charles Fraith, ex-husband James Lacey, former employee Roy Silver, and the ever present, ever comfortable Mrs. Bloxby, the vicar's wife. In her latest adventure, Agatha reluctantly agrees, thanks to the twisting of her arm by the gentle, kind faced Mrs. Bloxby, to attend the local pantomime where Agatha figures she'll be able to catch up on some sleep. But when the local baker playing the ogre in the pantomime disappears for good by way of a trapdoor and particularly gruesome death, Agatha and her detective agency are hired by the man fingered by the police as the number one suspect to solve the case.

I love Agatha Raisin, because largely, book after book she does not disappoint. Perhaps that's because she is so often disappointed in herself which is part of what makes her so humanly endearing. In previous books I have laughed out loud at some of her crazy antics, and cheered her on in her quest for a man. I could generally expect the characters to be well drawn, and spend a satisfying amount of time with each, getting to know the ins and outs of their personalities and learning all of their delightful quirks. It is these things that have kept me coming back. All of that said, this book left me a little cold. The murders were more grisly than the devoted reader generally expects, and there were far too many illogical plot leaps. I found little point in the introduction of a couple of unnecessary characters, and was left unsatisfied by the short shrift given to some of my favorites. This book was more plot driven than character driven (in this series I prefer the latter), but with a thin plot, it rather stalled.

M.C. Beaton also pens the Hamish MacBeth series (another to which I am devoted) and it would appear that she far prefers that one as those books are richer, more complex, and much more linear than the series of Raisin books that occasionally slide off track. Optimist that I am, I will be back for book 26, but hope for something more worthy of the wait and my devotion to the series.

Disclaimer: I received a digital copy of this book from St. Martin's Press via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
SHADES OF SWEENEY TODD...
By lawyeraau
I confess that I have a great fondness for middle-aged, love starved, menopausal Agatha Raisin. She is independent and funny with a predilection for somehow getting to the bottom of things, solving mysteries in a somewhat bumbling, yet endearing, fashion. She is certainly not your typical gumshoe. I always look forward to reading each book in this series of cozy mysteries, even though the plots may be somewhat formulaic. Who knew that there could be so many murders in the Cotswald? Agatha Raisin is a unique character and a force with which to be reckoned in a weird sort of way.

When Agatha Raisin attends an amateur theatrical in the village of Winter Parva at the behest of her best friend, Mrs. Bloxby, a vicar's wife, the production takes a grisly turn. One of the cast members, the village baker, is murdered in a particularly gruesome fashion during the performace, leaving behind a wife and son to carry on the family bakery. When Agatha is hired by one of the suspects to investigate the murder, she dedicates the resources of her detective agency to solving this case.

Of course, this would not be an Agatha Raisin book, if there were not a new man on the scene towards whom Agatha Raisin could direct her romantic attentions. In this, the book does not disappoint. In fact, several potential love interests arise, as do more murders. Moreover, her close friend and sometimes lover, Sir Charles Fraith, gets himself engaged, causing Agatha to experience a twinge of jealousy. So, our girl Agatha is kept quite busy with all that is going on, both personally and professionally.

I thoroughly enjoyed this Agatha Raisin mystery. As with all cozy mysteries, it is not the mystery itself that makes the book special, it is all the recurring characters and sense of place. It is the journey to the mystery's final resolution that is important. Fans of Agatha Raisin will really enjoy this book, as will those who are fans of this genre.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Have not read it yet. But I consider myself ...
By Amazon Customer
Have not read it yet. But I consider myself to be one of M.C. Beaton's biggest fans.

See all 229 customer reviews...

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Tuesday, October 27, 2015

! Free PDF Naked City: Tales of Urban FantasyFrom Novels St. Martin's Press

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Naked City: Tales of Urban FantasyFrom Novels St. Martin's Press



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Naked City: Tales of Urban FantasyFrom Novels St. Martin's Press

In this thrilling collection of original stories some of today’s hottest paranormal authors delight, thrill and captivate readers with otherworldly tales of magic and mischief. In Jim Butcher’s ”Curses” Harry Dresden investigates how to lift a curse laid by the Fair Folk on the Chicago Cubs. In Patricia Briggs’ “Fairy Gifts,” a vampire is called home by magic to save the Fae who freed him from a dark curse. In Melissa Marr’s “Guns for the Dead,” the newly dead Frankie Lee seeks a job in the afterlife on the wrong side of the law. In Holly Black’s “Noble Rot,” a dying rock star discovers that the young woman who brings him food every day has some strange appetites of her own.

 

Featuring original stories from 20 authors, this dark, captivating, fabulous and fantastical collection is not to be missed!

  • Sales Rank: #1825715 in Books
  • Brand: Novels St. Martin's Press
  • Published on: 2011-07-05
  • Released on: 2011-07-05
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.52" h x 1.29" w x 5.77" l, 1.20 pounds
  • Binding: Hardcover
  • 560 pages
Features
  • fantasy
  • science fiction
  • anthology

Review

"This anthology of short fiction affords a superb sampling of urban fantasy, that popular sf/fantasy subgenre defined in the book’s introduction (which, in all of three pages, is a welcome and helpful, to say nothing of articulate, definition of this subgenre) as a combination of the “often-dark edge of city living with enticing worlds of magic”—with an urban landscape being absolutely crucial to the story. To put it another way (as also expressed in the introduction, that is), “where the story takes place should matter, in some way, to the story.” The headliner piece, by virtue of its placement first in the collection’s presentation and the name recognition of the author, is “Curses,” by Jim Butcher, creator of the urban-fantasy series Dresden Files. It opens like a noir detective story—“Most of my cases are pretty tame”—but by page 2, we see this is Dresden Files fiction as well. The premise is a riot: the famous curse upon the Chicago Cubs has supernatural origins here. “Priced to Sell,” by Naomi Novik, is also very entertaining. It’s about vampires buying real estate in Manhattan. But you will have fun with all 20 stories."--Booklist

About the Author

Multiple award-winning editor Ellen Datlow has been editing science fiction, fantasy, and horror short fiction for almost thirty years. She was fiction editor of OMNI Magazine and SCIFICTION and has edited more than fifty anthologies, including the horror half of the long-running The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror. She lives in New York. Visit her on the web at www.datlow.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Curses
A DRESDEN FILES SHORT STORY
BY JIM BUTCHER
 

Jim Butcher is the bestselling author most known for his urban fantasy series The Dresden Files. He also writes the Codex Alera series. Butcher lives in Missouri with his wife, son, and a ferocious guard dog.
Most of my cases are pretty tame. Someone loses a piece of jewelry with a lot of sentimental value, or someone comes to me because they’ve just moved into a new house and it’s a little more haunted than the seller’s disclosure indicated. Nothing Chicago’s only professional wizard can’t handle—but the cases don’t usually rake in much money, either.
So when a man in a two-thousand-dollar suit opened my office door and came inside, he had my complete attention.
I mean, I didn’t take my feet down off my desk or anything. But I paid attention.
He looked my office up and down and frowned, as though he didn’t much approve of what he saw. Then he looked at me and said, “Excuse me, is this the office of—”
“Dolce,” I said.
He blinked. “Excuse me.”
“Your suit,” I said. “Dolce and Gabbana. Silk. Very nice. You might want to consider an overcoat, though, now that it’s cooling off. Paper says we’re in for some rain.”
He studied me intently for a moment. He was a man in his late prime. His hair was dyed too dark, and the suit looked like it probably hid a few pounds. “You must be Harry Dresden.”
I inclined my head toward him. “Agent or attorney?”
“A little of both,” he said, looking around my office again. “I represent a professional entertainment corporation, which wishes to remain anonymous for the time being. My name is Donovan. My sources tell me that you’re the man who might be able to help us.”
My office isn’t anything to write home about. It’s on a corner, with windows on two walls, but it’s furnished for function, not style—scuffed-up wooden desks, a couple of comfortable chairs, some old metal filing cabinets, a used wooden table, and a coffeepot that is old enough to have belonged to Neanderthals. I figured Donovan was worried that he’d exposed his suit to unsavory elements, and resisted an irrational impulse to spill my half cup of cooling coffee on it.
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“What you need and whether you can afford me.”
Donovan fixed me with a stern look. I bore up under it as best I could. “Do you intend to gouge me for a fee, Mr. Dresden?”
“For every penny I reasonably can,” I told him.
He blinked at me. “You … you’re quite up front about it, aren’t you?”
“Saves time,” I said.
“What makes you think I would tolerate such a thing?”
“People don’t come to me until they’re pretty desperate, Mr. Donovan,” I said, “especially rich people and hardly ever corporations. Besides, you come in here all intriguey and coy, not wanting to reveal who your employer is. That means that in addition to whatever else you want from me, you want my discretion, too.”
“So your increased fee is a polite form of blackmail?”
“Cost of doing business. If you want this done on the down low, you make my job more difficult. You should expect to pay a little more than a conventional customer when you’re asking for more than they are.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “How much are you going to cost me?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Let’s find out. What do you want me to do?”
He stood up and turned to walk to the door. He stopped before he reached it, read the words HARRY DRESDEN, WIZARD backward in the frosted glass, and eyed me over his shoulder. “I assume that you have heard of any number of curses in local folklore.”
“Sure,” I said.
“I suppose you’ll expect me to believe in their existence.”
I shrugged. “They’ll exist or not exist regardless of what you believe, Mr. Donovan.” I paused. “Well. Apart from the ones that don’t exist except in someone’s mind. They’re only real because somebody believes. But that edges from the paranormal over toward psychology. I’m not licensed for that.”
He grimaced and nodded. “In that case…”
I felt a little slow off the mark as I realized what we were talking about. “A cursed local entertainment corporation,” I said. “Like maybe a sports team.”
He kept a poker face on, and it was a pretty good one.
“You’re talking about the Billy Goat Curse,” I said.
Donovan arched an eyebrow and then gave me an almost imperceptible nod as he turned around to face me again. “What do you know about it?”
I blew out my breath and ran my fingers back through my hair. “Uh, back in 1945 or so, a tavern owner named Sianis was asked to leave a World Series game at Wrigley. Seems his pet goat was getting rained on and it smelled bad. Some of the fans were complaining. Outraged at their lack of social élan, Sianis pronounced a curse on the stadium, stating that never again would a World Series game be played there. Well, actually he said something like, ‘Them Cubs, they ain’t gonna win no more,’ but the World Series thing is the general interpretation.”
“And?” Donovan asked.
“And I think if I’d gotten kicked out of a Series game I’d been looking forward to, I might do the same thing.”
“You have a goat?”
“I have a moose,” I said.
He blinked at that for a second, didn’t understand it, and decided to ignore it. “If you know that, then you know that many people believe that the curse has held.”
“Where the Series is concerned, the Cubbies have been filled with fail and dipped in suck sauce since 1945,” I acknowledged. “No matter how hard they try, just when things are looking up, something seems to go bad at the worst possible time.” I paused to consider. “I can relate.”
“You’re a fan, then?”
“More of a kindred spirit.”
He looked around my office again and gave me a small smile. “But you follow the team.”
“I go to games when I can.”
“That being the case,” Donovan said, “you know that the team has been playing well this year.”
“And the Cubs want to hire yours truly to prevent the curse from screwing things up.”
Donovan shook his head. “I never said that the Cubs organization was involved.”
“Hell of a story, though, if they were.”
Donovan frowned severely.
“The Sun-Times would run it on the front page. CUBS HIRE PROFESSIONAL WIZARD TO BREAK CURSE, maybe. Rick Morrissey would have a ball with that story.”
“My clients,” Donovan said firmly, “have authorized me to commission your services on this matter, if it can be done quickly—and with the utmost discretion.”
I swung my feet down from my desk. “Mr. Donovan,” I said. “No one does discretion like me.”
*   *   *
Two hours after I had begun my calculations, I dropped my pencil on the laboratory table and stretched my back. “Well. You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right,” said Bob the Skull. “I’m always right.”
I gave the dried, bleached human skull sitting on a shelf amidst a stack of paperback romance novels a gimlet-eye.
“For some values of right,” he amended hastily. The words were conciliatory, but the flickering flames in the skull’s eye sockets danced merrily.
My laboratory is in the subbasement under my basement apartment. It’s dark, cool, and dank, essentially a concrete box that I have to enter by means of a folding staircase. It isn’t a big room, but it’s packed with the furnishings of one. Lots of shelves groan under the weight of books, scrolls, papers, alchemical tools, and containers filled with all manner of magical whatnot.
There’s a silver summoning circle on the floor, and a tiny-scale model of the city of Chicago on a long table running down the middle of the room. The only shelf not crammed full is Bob’s, and even it gets a little crowded sometimes. Bob is my more-or-less-faithful, not-so-trusty assistant, a spirit of intellect that dwells within a specially enchanted skull. I might be a wizard, but Bob’s knowledge of magic makes me look like an engineering professor.
“Are you sure there’s nothing you missed?” I asked.
“Nothing’s certain, boss,” the skull said philosophically. “But you did the equations. You know the power requirements for a spell to continue running through all those sunrises.”
I grunted sourly. The cycles of time in the world degrade ongoing magic, and your average enchantment doesn’t last for more than a few days. For a curse to be up and running since 1945, it would have had to begin as a malevolent enchantment powerful enough to rip a hole through the crust of the planet. Given the lack of lava in the area, it would seem that whatever the Billy Goat Curse might be, I could be confident that it wasn’t a simple magical working.
“Nothing’s ever simple,” I complained.
“What did you expect, boss?” Bob said.
I growled. “So the single-spell theory is out.”
“Yep,” Bob said.
“Which means that either the curse is being powered by something that renews its energy—or else someone is refreshing the thing all the time.”
“What about this Sianis guy’s family?” Bob said. “Maybe they’re putting out a fresh whammy every few days or something.”
I shook my head. “I called records in Edinburgh. The wardens checked them out years ago when all of this first happened, and they aren’t practitioners. Besides, they’re Cub-friendly.”
“The wardens investigated the Greek guy but not the curse?” Bob asked curiously.
“In 1945 the White Council had enough to do trying to mitigate the bad mojo from all those artifacts the Nazis stockpiled,” I said. “Once they established that no one’s life was in danger, they didn’t really care if a bunch of guys playing a game got cursed to lose it.”
“So what’s your next move?”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully with one finger. “Let’s go look at the stadium.”
*   *   *
I put Bob in the mesh sack I sometimes tote him around in and, at his petulant insistence, hung it from the rearview mirror of my car, a battered old Volkswagen Beetle. He hung there, swinging back and forth and occasionally spinning one way or the other when something caught his eye.
“Look at the legs on that one!” Bob said. “And whew, check her out! It must be chilly tonight!”
“There’s a reason we don’t get out more often, Bob,” I sighed. I should have known better than to drive through the club district on my way to Wrigley.
“I love the girls’ pants in this century,” Bob said. “I mean look at those jeans. One little tug and off they come.”
I wasn’t touching that one.
I parked the car a couple of blocks from the stadium, stuck Bob in a pocket of my black leather duster, and walked in. The Cubs were on the road, and Wrigley was closed. It was a good time to knock around inside. But since Donovan was evidently prepared to deny and disavow all knowledge, I wasn’t going to be able to simply knock on the door and wander in.
So I picked a couple of locks at a delivery entrance and went inside. I didn’t hit it at professional-burglar speed or anything—I knew a couple of guys who could open a lock with tools as fast as they could with a key—but I wasn’t in any danger of getting a ticket for loitering, either. Once I was inside, I headed straight for the concourses. If I mucked around in the stadium’s administrative areas, I would probably run afoul of a full-blown security system, and the only thing I could reliably do to that would be to shut it down completely—and most systems are smart enough to tip off their home security company when that happens.
Besides. What I was looking for wouldn’t be in any office.
I took Bob out of my pocket so that the flickering golden-orange lights of his eyes illuminated the area in front of me. “All right,” I murmured. I kept my voice down, on the off chance that a night watchman might be on duty and nearby. “I’m angry at the Cubbies and I’m pitching my curse at them. Where’s it going to stick?”
“There’s really no question about that, is there?” Bob asked me.
“Home plate,” we said together.
I started forward, walking silently. Being quiet when you sneak around isn’t difficult, as long as you aren’t in any rush. The serious professionals can all but sprint in perfect silence, but the main thing you need isn’t agility—it’s patience and calm. So I moved out slowly and calmly, and it must have worked, because nobody raised a hue or a cry.
The empty, unlit stadium was … just wrong. I was used to seeing Wrigley blazing with sunlight or its lights, filled with fans and music and the smell of overpriced, fattening, and inexplicably gratifying food. I was used to vendors shouting, the constant sea-surge of crowd noise, and the buzz of planes passing overhead, trailing banners behind them.
Now Wrigley Field was vast and dark and empty. There was something silently sad about it—acres of seats with no one sitting, a green and beautiful field that no one was playing on, a scoreboard that didn’t have anything on it to read or anyone to read it. If the gods and muses were to come down from Olympus and sculpt unfulfilled potential as a physical form, they wouldn’t get any closer than that hollow house did.
I walked down the concrete steps and circled the infield until I could make my way to the seats behind home plate. Once there, I held Bob up and said, “What have we got?”
The skull’s eyelights flared brighter for a second, and he snorted. “Oh, yeah. Definitely tied the curse together right there.”
“What’s keeping it going?” I asked. “Is there a ley line passing underneath or something?”
“That’s a negative, boss,” Bob said.
“How fresh is it?”
“Maybe a couple of days,” the skull replied. “Maybe more. It’s an awfully tight weave.”
“How so?”
“This spell resists deterioration better than most mortal magic. It’s efficient and solid—way niftier than you could manage.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
“I call ’em like I see ’em,” Bob said cheerfully. “So either a more experienced member of the White Council is sponsoring this curse, and refreshing it every so often, or else…”
I caught on. “Or else the curse was placed here by a nonmortal being.”
“Yeah,” Bob said. “But that could be almost anything.”
I shook my head. “Not necessarily. Remember that the curse was laid upon the stadium during a game in the 1945 World Series.”
“Ah, yes,” Bob said. “It would have been packed. Which means that whatever the being was, it could blend in. Either a really great veil or maybe a shapeshifter.”
“Why?” I asked.
“What?”
“Why?” I repeated. “Why would this theoretical being have put out the curse on the Cubs?”
“Plenty of beings from the Nevernever really don’t need a motivation.”
“Sure they do,” I said. “The logic behind what they do might be alien or twisted beyond belief, but it makes sense to them.” I waved my hand at the stadium. “This being not only laid a curse on a nexus of human emotional power, it kept coming back week after week, year after year.”
“I don’t see what you’re driving at, boss.”
“Whoever’s doing this is holding a grudge,” I said thoughtfully. “This is vengeance for a genuine insult. It’s personal.”
“Maybe,” Bob said. “But maybe the emotional state of the stadium supercharged Sianis’s curse. Or maybe after the stadium evicted Sianis, who didn’t have enough power to curse anybody anyhow, someone decided to make it stick.”
“Or maybe…” My voice trailed off, and then I barked out a short bite of laughter. “Oh. Oh, that’s funny.”
Bob spun in my hand to look up at me.
“It wasn’t Sianis who put the whammy on the Cubs,” I said, grinning. “It was the goat.”
*   *   *
The Llyn y Fan Fach Tavern and Inn was located down at the lakeside at the northern edge of the city. The place’s exterior screamed “PUB” as if it were trying to make itself heard over the roar of brawling football hooligans. It was all whitewashed walls and heavy timbers stained dark. The wooden sign hanging from a post above the door bore the tavern’s name, and a painted picture of a leek and a daffodil crossed like swords.
I sidled up to the tavern and went in. The inside matched the outside, continuing the dark-stained theme on its wooden floors, walls, and furnishings. It was just after midnight, which wasn’t really all that late, as bar scenes went, but the Llyn y Fan Fach Tavern was all but empty.
A big red-haired guy sitting in a chair by the door scowled at me. His biceps were thick enough to use steel-belted radials as armbands. He gave me the fisheye, which I ignored as I ambled on up to the bar.
I took a seat on a stool and nodded to the bartender. She was a pretty woman with jet-black hair and an obvious pride in her torso. Her white renaissance shirt had slipped entirely off both of her shapely shoulders and was only being held up by her dark leather bustier. She was busy wiping down the bar. The bustier was busy lifting and separating.
She glanced up at me and smiled. Her pale green eyes flicked over me, and the smile deepened. “Ah,” she said, her British accent thick and from somewhere closer to Cardiff than London. “You’re a tall one, aren’t you?”
“Only when I’m standing up.”
Her eyes twinkled with merry wickedness. “Such a crime. What are you drinking, love?”
“Do you have any cold beer?” I asked.
“None of that colonial piss here,” she replied.
“Snob,” I said, smiling. “Do you have any of McAnally’s dark? McAnally’s anything, really.”
Her eyebrows went up. “Whew. For a moment, there, I thought a heathen walked amongst us.” She gave me a full smile, her teeth very square and straight and white, and walked over to me before bending over and drawing a dark bottle from beneath the bar.
I appreciated her in a polite and politically correct fashion. “Is the show included in the price of the drink?”
She opened the bottle with an expert twist of her wrist and set it down in front of me with a clean mug. “I’m a generous soul, love,” she said, winking. “Why charge when I can engage in selfless charity?”
She poured the beer into the mug and set it on a napkin in front of me. She slid a bowl of bar nuts down my way. “Drinking alone?”
“That depends on whether or not you’ll let me buy one for you.”
She laughed. “A gentleman, is it? Sir, you must think me all manner of tart if you think I’d accept a drink from a stranger.”
“I’m Harry,” I said.
“And so we are strangers no longer,” she replied, and got out another bottle of ale. She took her time about it, and she watched me as she did it. She straightened, also slowly, and opened her bottle before putting it gently to her lips and taking a slow pull. Then she arched an eyebrow at me and said, “See anything else you like? Something tasty, perhaps?”
“I suppose I am kind of an aural guy at the moment,” I said. “Got a minute to talk to me, Jill?”
Her smile faded swiftly. “I’ve never seen you in here before. How is it you know my name?”
I reached into my shirt and tugged out my pentacle, letting it fall down against my T-shirt. Jill studied that for a few seconds, then took a second look at me. Her mouth opened in a silent “ah” of understanding. “The wizard. Dresden, isn’t it?”
“Harry,” I said.
She nodded and took another, warier sip of her beer.
“Relax,” I said. “I’m not here on Council business. But a friend of mine among the Fair Folk told me that you were the person to talk to about the Tylwyth Teg.”
She tilted her head to one side, and smiled slightly. “I’m not sure how I could help you, Harry. I’m just a storyteller.”
“But you know about the Tylwyth Teg.”
“I know stories of them,” she countered. “That’s not the same as knowing them. Not in the way that your folk care about.”
“I’m not doing politics between members of the Unseelie Accords right now,” I said.
“But you’re one of the magi,” she said. “Surely you know what I do.”
“I’m still pretty young, for a wise guy. And nobody can know everything,” I said. “My knowledge of the Fair Folk pretty much begins and ends with the Winter and Summer Courts. I know that the Tylwyth Teg are an independent kingdom of the Wyld. Stories might give me what I need.”
The sparkle returned to her eyes for a moment. “This is the first time a man I’ve flirted with told me that stories were what he needed.”
“I could gaze longingly at your décolletage while you talk, if you like.”
“Given how much trouble I go to in order to show it off, it would seem polite.”
I lowered my eyes demurely to her chest for a moment. “Well. If I must.”
She let out a full-bodied laugh, which made attractive things happen to her upper body. “What stories are you interested in, specifically?”
I grinned at her. “Tell me about the Tylwyth Teg and goats.”
Jill nodded thoughtfully and took another sip of beer. “Well,” she said. “Goats were a favored creature among them. The Tylwyth Teg, if treated with respect by a household of mortals, would often perform tasks for them. One of the most common tasks was the grooming of goats—cleaning out their fur and brushing their beards for Sunday morning.”
I took a notebook from my duster’s pocket and started making notes. “Uh-huh.”
“The Tylwyth Teg were shapeshifters,” Jill continued. “They’re a small folk, only a couple of feet tall, and though they could take what form they wished, they usually changed into fairly small animals—foxes, cats, dogs, owls, hares, and—”
“And goats?”
She lifted her eyebrows. “And goats, aye. Though the stories can become very odd at times. More than one Welsh farmer who managed to capture a bride of the Tylwyth Teg found himself waking up to a goat beside him in his bed, or took his wife’s hand only to feel the shape of a cloven hoof beneath his fingertips.”
“Weregoats,” I muttered. “Jesus.”
“They’re masters of deceit and trickery,” Jill continued. “And we mortals are well advised to show them the proper respect, if we intrude upon them at all.”
“What happens if we don’t?”
Jill shook her head. “That would depend upon the offense, and which of the Tylwyth Teg were offended. They were capable of almost anything if their pride was wounded.”
“The usual Fair Folk response?” I asked. “Bad fortune, children taken, that sort of thing?”
Jill shook her head. “Harry, love, the Queens of Winter and Summer do not kill mortals, and so frown upon their followers taking such action. But the high folk of the Tylwyth Teg have no such restrictions.”
“They’d kill?” I asked.
“They can, have, and will take life in acts of vengeance,” Jill said seriously. “They always respond in balance—but push them too far and they will.”
“Damn,” I said. “Those are some hard-core faeries.”
Jill sucked in a sharp breath and her eyes glittered brightly. “What did you say?”
I became suddenly aware of the massive redhead by the door rising to his feet.
I swigged a bit of beer and put the notebook back in my pocket. “I called them faeries,” I drawled.
The floorboards creaked under the weight of Big Red, walking toward me.
Jill stared at me with eyes that were hard and brittle like glass. “You of all, wizard, should know that word is an insult to … them.”
“Oh, right,” I said. “They get real upset when you call them that.” A shadow fell across me. I sipped more beer without turning around and said, “Did someone just put up a building?”
A hand the size of a Christmas ham fell onto my shoulder, and Big Red growled, “You want me to leave some marks?”
“Come on, Jill,” I said. “Don’t be sore. It’s not as though you’re trying all that hard to hide. You left plenty of clues for the game.”
Jill stared at me with unreadable eyes and said nothing.
I started ticking off points on my fingers. “Llyn y Fan Fach is a lake sacred to the Tylwyth Teg over in the Old World. You don’t get a lot more Welsh than that leek-and-daffodil emblem. And as for calling yourself ‘Jill,’ that’s a pretty thin mask to cover the presence of one of the Jili Ffrwtan.” I tilted my head back to indicate Big Red. “Changeling, right?”
Big Red’s fingers tightened enough to hurt. I started to get a little bit concerned.
Jill held up a hand and Big Red let go of me at once. I heard the floor creaking as he retreated. She stared at me for a moment more, then smiled faintly and said, “The mask is more than sufficient when no one is looking for the face behind it. What gave us away?”
I shrugged. “Someone has to be renewing the spell laid on Wrigley Field on a regular basis. It almost had to be someone local. Once I remembered that the Fair Folk of Wales had a rather singular affinity with goats, the rest was just a matter of legwork.”
She finished off the beer in a long pull, her eyes sparkling again. “And my own reaction to the insult was the cherry on top.”
I drained my mug and shrugged modestly. “I apologize for speaking so crudely, lady. It was the only way I could be sure.”
“Powerful, clever, and polite,” she murmured. She leaned forward onto the bar, and it got really hard not to notice her bosom. “You and I might get along.”
I winked at her and said, “You’re trying to distract me, and doing it well. But I’d like to speak to someone in authority over the enchantment laid on Wrigley.”
“And who says our folk are behind such a thing?”
“Your cleavage,” I replied. “Otherwise, why try to distract me?”
She let out another laugh, though this one was softer and more silvery, a tinkling and unearthly tone that made my ears feel like someone with fantastic lips was blowing gently into them. “Even if they are, what makes you think that we would alter that weaving now?”
I shrugged. “Perhaps you will. Perhaps you won’t. I only request, please, to speak to one with authority over the curse, to discuss what might be done about it.”
She studied me through narrowed eyes for another silent moment.
“I said please,” I pointed out to her. “And I did buy you that beer.”
“True,” she murmured, and then gave me a smile that made my skin feel like I was standing close to a bonfire. She tossed her white cloth to one side and said, toward Big Red, “Mind the store for a bit?”
He nodded at her and settled back down into his chair.
The Jili Ffrwtan came out from behind the bar, hips swaying in deliciously feminine motion. I rose and offered her my arm in my best old-fashioned courtly style. It made her smile, and she laid her hand on my forearm lightly, barely touching. “This,” she said, “should be interesting.”
I smiled at her again and asked, “Where are we going?”
“Why, to Annwn, my love,” the Jili Ffrwtan said, pronouncing it “ah-noon.” “We go to the land of the dead.”
*   *   *
I followed the Jili Ffrwtan into the back room of the pub and down a narrow flight of stone stairs. The basement was all concrete walls and had a packed-earth floor. One wall of the place was stacked with an assortment of hooch. We walked past it while I admired the Jili Ffrwtan’s shape and movement, and wondered if her hair felt as soft as it looked.
She gave me a sly look over one bare shoulder. “And tell me, young magus, what you know of my kind.”
“That they are the high ladies of the Tylwyth Teg. And that they are surpassingly lovely, charming, and gracious, if you are any example, lady.” And that they could be psycho bitches from hell if you damaged their pride.
She laughed again. “Base flattery,” she said, clearly pleased. “But at least you do it well. You’re quite articulate—for a mortal.”
As we got farther from the light spilling from the staircase, the shadows grew thick, until she made a negligent gesture with one hand, and soft blue light with no apparent source filled the room around us. “Ah, here we are.”
She stopped beside a ring of large brown mushrooms that grew up out of the floor. I extended my otherworldly senses toward the ring and could feel the quiver of energies moving through the air around the circle like a silent hum of high-tension electrical lines. The substance of mortal reality was thin here, easily torn. The ring of mushrooms was a doorway, a portal leading to the Nevernever, the spirit world.
I gave Jill a little bow and gestured with one hand. “After you, lady.”
She smiled at me. “Oh, we must cross together, lest you get lost on the way.” She slid her fingertips lightly down my forearm. Her warm fingers intertwined with mine, and the gesture felt almost obscenely intimate. My glands cut my brain out of every decision-making process they could, and it was an effort not to adjust my pants. The part of my head that was still on the job got real nervous right about then: There are way too many things in the universe that use sexual desire as a weapon, and I had to work not to jerk my hand away from the Jili Ffrwtan’s.
It would be an awful idea to damage her pride with that kind of display.
And besides, my glands told me, she looks great. And smells even better. And her skin feels amazing. And …
“Quiet, you,” I growled at my glands under my breath.
She arched an eyebrow at me.
I gave her a tight smile and said. “Not you. Talking with myself.”
“Ah,” she said. She flicked her eyes down to below my waist and back, smirking. Then she took a step forward, drawing me into the ring of mushrooms, and the basement blurred and went away, as if the shadow of an ancient mountain had fallen over us.
Then the shadow lifted, and we were elsewhere.
It’s at this point that my senses pretty much broke down.
The darkness lifted away to light and motion and music like nothing I had ever seen before—and I’ve been to the wildest spots in Chicago and to a couple of parties that weren’t even being held inside our reality.
We stood inside a ring of mushrooms and in a cave. But that doesn’t really cover it. Calling the hall of the Tylwyth Teg a cave is about the same as calling the Taj Mahal a grave. It’s technically accurate, but it doesn’t begin to cover it.
Walls soared up around me, walls in the shape of natural stone but somehow surfaced in the polished beauty of marble, veined with threads of silver and gold and even rarer metals, lit by the same sourceless radiance the Jili Ffrwtan had summoned back in Chicago. They rose above me on every side, and since I’d just been to Wrigley, I had a fresh perspective with which to compare them: If Wrigley was any bigger, it wasn’t by much.
The air was full of music. I only call it “music” because there aren’t any words adequate to describe it. By comparison to any music I’d ever heard played, it was the difference between a foot-powder jingle and a symphony by Mozart, throbbing with passion, merriment, pulsing between an ancient sadness and a fierce joy. Every beat made me feel like joining in—either to weep or to dance, or possibly both at the same time.
And the dancers … I remember men and women and silks and velvets and jewels and more gold and silver and a grace that made me feel huge and awkward and slow.
There aren’t any words.
The Jili Ffrwtan walked forward, taking me with her, and as she went she changed, each step leaving her smaller, her clothing changing as well, until she was attired as the revelers were, in a jeweled gown that left just as much of her just as attractively revealed as the previous outfit. It didn’t seem strange at the time that she should grow so much smaller. I just felt like I was freakishly huge, the outsider, the intruder, hopelessly oversized for that place. We moved forward, through the dancers, who spun and flitted out of our path. My escort kept on diminishing until I was walking half hunched over, her entire hand covering about half of one of my fingers.
She led me to the far end of the hall, pausing several times to call something in a complex, musical tongue aside to one of the other Fair Folk. We walked past a miniature table laid out with a not-at-all-miniature feast, and my stomach suddenly informed me that it had never once taken in an ounce of nutrition, and that it really was about time that I finally had something. I had actually taken a couple of steps toward the table before I forced myself to swerve away from it.
“Wise,” said the Jili Ffrwtan. “Unless, of course, you wish to stay.”
“It smells fine,” I replied, my voice hoarse. “But it’s no Burger King.”
She laughed again, putting the fingers of one hand to her still proportionately impressive bosom, and we passed out of the great hall and into a smaller cavern—this one only the size of a train station. There were guards there—guards armored in bejeweled mail, faces masked behind mail veils, guards who barely came up over my knee, but guards nonetheless, bearing swords and spears and bows. They stood at attention and watched me with cold, hard eyes as we passed them. My escort seemed delightedly smug about the entire affair.
I cleared my throat and asked, “Who are we going to see?”
“Why, love, the only one who has authority over the curse upon Wrigley Field,” she said. “His Majesty.”
I swallowed. “The king of your folk? Gwynn ap Nudd, isn’t it?”
“His Majesty will do,” rang out a voice in a high tenor, and I looked up to see one of the Fair Folk sitting on a throne raised up several feet above the floor of the chamber, so that my eyes were level with his. “Perhaps even, His Majesty, sir.”
Gwynn ap Nudd, ruler of the Tylwyth Teg, was tall—for his folk, anyway—broad shouldered, and ruggedly handsome. Though dressed in what looked like some kind of midnight-blue fabric that had the texture of velvet but the supple sweep of silk, he had large-knuckled hands that looked rough and strong. Both his long hair and beard were streaked with fine, symmetrical lines of silver, and jewels shone on his fingers and upon his brow.
I stopped at once and bowed deeply, making sure my head went lower than the faerie king’s, and I stayed there for a good long moment before rising again. “Your Majesty, sir,” I said, in my politest voice. “You are both courteous and generous to grant me an audience. It speaks well of the Tylwyth Teg as a people, that such a one should lead them.”
King Gwynn stared at me for a long moment before letting out a grunt that mixed disbelief with wry satisfaction. “At least they sent one with half a sense of manners this time.”
“I thought you’d like that, sire,” said the Jili Ffrwtan, smiling. “May I present Harry Dresden, magus, a commander of the Order of the Grey Cloak, sometime mortal Champion of Queen Mab and Esquire of the Court of Queen Titania. He begs to speak to you regarding the curse upon the Field of Wrigley in the mortal citadel of Chicago.”
“We know who he is,” Gwynn said testily. “And we know why he is here. Return to your post. We will see to it that he is safely returned.”
The Jili Ffrwtan curtsied deeply and revealingly. “Of course, sire.” Then she simply vanished into a sparkling cloud of lights.
“Guards,” King Gwynn called out. “You will leave us now.”
The guards looked unhappy about it, but they lined up and filed out, every movement in sync with the others. Gwynn waited until the last of them had left the hall and the doors boomed shut before he turned back to me.
“So,” he said. “Who do ye like for the Series this year?”
I blinked my eyes at him several times. It wasn’t one of those questions I’d been expecting. “Um. American League, I’m kind of rooting for Tampa Bay. I’d like to see them beat out the Yankees.”
“Aye,” Gwynn said, nodding energetically. “Who wouldn’t. Bloody Yankees.”
“And in the National League,” I said, “the Cubs are looking good at the moment, though I could see the Phillies pulling something out at the last minute.” I shrugged. “I mean, since the Cubbies are cursed and all.”
“Cursed?” Gwynn said. A fierce smile stretched his face. “Cursed, is it?”
“Or so it is widely believed,” I said.
Gwynn snorted then rose and descended from his throne. “Walk with me.”
The diminutive monarch walked farther back into the cavern, past his throne, and into what resembled some kind of bizarre museum. There were rows and rows of cabinets, each with shelves lined in black velvet, and walls of crystalline glass. Each cabinet had a dozen or so artifacts in it: ticket stubs were some of the most common items, though there were also baseballs here and there among them, as well as baseball cards, fan booklets, team pennants, bats, batting gloves, and fielders’ gloves.
As I walked beside him, careful to keep my pace slow enough to let him dictate how fast we were walking, it dawned on me that King Gwynn ap Nudd of the Tylwyth Teg was a baseball fan—as in fanatic—of the original vintage.
“It was you,” I said suddenly. “You were the one they threw out of the game.”
“Aye,” King Gwynn said. “There was business to attend, and by the time I got there the tickets were sold out. I had to find another way into the game.”
“As a goat?” I asked, bemused.
“It was a team-spirit thing,” Gwynn said proudly. “Sianis had made up a sign and all, proclaiming that Chicago had already gotten Detroit’s goat. Then he paraded me and the sign on the field before the game—it got plenty of cheers, let me tell you. And he did pay for an extra ticket for the goat, so it wasn’t as though old Wrigley’s successors were being cheated the price of admission. They just didn’t like it that someone argued with the ushers and won!”
Gwynn’s words had taken on the heat that you can only get from an argument that someone has rehearsed to himself about a million times. Given that he must have been practicing it since 1945, I knew better than to think that anything like reason was going to get in the way. So I just nodded and asked, “What happened?”
“Before the game was anywhere near over,” Gwynn continued, his voice seething with outrage, “they came to Sianis and evicted him from the park. Because, they said, his goat smelled too awful!”
Gwynn stopped in his tracks and turned to me, scowling furiously as he gestured at himself with his hands. “Hello! I was a goat! Goats are supposed to smell awful when they are rained upon!”
“They are, Your Majesty, sir,” I agreed soberly.
“And I was a flawless goat!”
“I have no doubts on that account, King Gwynn,” I said.
“What kind of justice is it to be excluded from a Series game because one has flawlessly imitated a goat!?”
“No justice at all, Your Majesty, sir,” I said.
“And to say that I, Gwynn ap Nudd, I the King of Annwn, I who defeated Gwythr ap Greidawl, I the counselor and ally to gods and heroes alike, smelled!” His mouth twisted up in rage. “How dare some jumped-up mortal ape say such a thing! As though mortals smell any better than wet goats!”
For a moment, I considered pointing out the conflicting logic of Gwynn both being a perfect (and therefore smelly) goat and being upset that he had been cast out of the game for being smelly. But only for a second. Otherwise, I might have been looking at coming back to Chicago about a hundred years too late to grab a late-night meal at BK.
“I can certainly see why you were upset and offended, Your Majesty, sir.”
Some of the righteous indignation seemed to drain out of him, and he waved an irritated hand at me. “We’re talking about something important here, mortal,” he said. “We’re talking about baseball. Call me Gwynn.”
We had stopped at the last display cabinet, which was enormous by the standards of the furnishings of that hall, which is to say, about the size of a human wardrobe. On one of its shelves was a single outfit of clothing; blue jeans, a T-shirt, a leather jacket, with socks and shoes. On all the rest were the elongated rectangles of tickets—season tickets, in fact, and hundreds of them.
But the single stack of tickets on the top shelf sat next to the only team cap I’d seen.
Both tickets and cap bore the emblem of the Cubs.
“It was certainly a serious insult,” I said quietly. “And it’s obvious that a balancing response was in order. But, Gwynn, the insult was given you unwittingly, by mortals whose very stupidity prevented them from knowing what they were doing. Few enough there that day are even alive now. Is it just that their children be burdened with their mistake? Surely that fact also carries some weight within the heart of a wise and generous king.”
Gwynn let out a tired sigh and moved his right hand in a gesture that mimed pouring out water cupped in it. “Oh, aye, aye, Harry. The anger faded decades ago—mostly. It’s the principle of the thing, these days.”
“That’s something I can understand,” I said. “Sometimes you have to give weight to a principle to keep it from being taken away in a storm.”
He glanced up at me shrewdly. “Aye. I’ve heard as that’s something you would understand.”
I spread my hands and tried to sound diffident. “There must be some way of evening the scales between the Cubs and the Tylwyth Teg,” I said. “Some way to set this insult to rights and lay the matter to rest.”
“Oh, aye,” King Gwynn said. “It’s easy as dying. All we do is nothing. The spell would fade. Matters would resume their normal course.”
“But clearly you don’t wish to do such a thing,” I said. “It’s obviously an expenditure of resources for you to keep the curse alive.”
The small king suddenly smiled. “Truth be told, I stopped thinking of it as a curse years ago, lad.”
I arched my eyebrows.
“How do you regard it, then?” I asked him.
“As protection,” he said. “From the real curse of baseball.”
I looked from him to the tickets and thought about that for a moment. Then I said, “I understand.”
It was Gwynn’s turn to arch eyebrows at me. “Do ye now?” He studied me for a time and then smiled, nodding slowly. “Aye. Aye, ye do. Wise, for one so young.”
I shook my head ruefully. “Not wise enough.”
“Everyone with a lick of wisdom thinks that,” Gwynn replied. He regarded his tickets for a while, his hands clasped behind his back. “Now, ye’ve won the loyalty of some of the Wee Folk, and that is no quick or easy task. Ye’ve defied Sidhe queens. Ye’ve even stuck a thumb into the Erlking’s eye, and that tickles me to no end. And ye’ve been clever enough to find us, which few mortals have managed, and gone out of your way to be polite, which means more from you than it would from some others.”
I nodded quietly.
“So, Harry Dresden,” King Gwynn said, “I’ll be glad t’consider it, if ye say the Cubs wish me to cease my efforts.”
I thought about it for a long time before I gave him my answer.
*   *   *
Mr. Donovan sat down in my office in a different ridiculously expensive suit and regarded me soberly. “Well?”
“The curse stays,” I said. “Sorry.”
Mr. Donovan frowned, as though trying to determine whether or not I was pulling his leg. “I would have expected you to declare it gone and collect your fee.”
“I have this weird thing where I take professional ethics seriously,” I said. I pushed a piece of paper at him and said, “My invoice.”
He took it and turned it over. “It’s blank,” he said.
“Why type it up when it’s just a bunch of zeroes?”
He stared at me even harder.
“Look at it this way,” I said. “You haven’t paused to consider the upside of the Billy Goat Curse.”
“Upside?” he asked. “To losing?”
“Exactly,” I said. “How many times have you heard people complaining that professional ball wasn’t about anything but money these days?”
“What does that have to do—”
“That’s why everyone’s so locked on the Series these days. Not necessarily because it means you’re the best, because you’ve risen to a challenge and prevailed. The Series means millions of dollars for the club, for businesses, all kinds of money. Even the fans get obsessed with the Series, like it’s the only significant thing in baseball. Don’t even get me started on the stadiums all starting to be named after their corporate sponsors.”
“Do you have a point?” Donovan asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Baseball is about more than money and victory. It’s about facing challenges alone and on a team. It’s about spending time with friends and family and neighbors in a beautiful park, watching the game unfold. It’s…” I sighed. “It’s about fun, Mr. Donovan.”
“And you are contending that the curse is fun?”
“Think about it,” I said. “The Cubs have the most loyal, diehard fan following in Major League ball. Those fans aren’t in it to see the Cubs run rampant over other teams because they’ve spent more money hiring the best players. You know they aren’t—because they all know about the curse. If you know your team isn’t going to carry off the Series, then cheering them on becomes something more than yelling when they’re beating someone. It’s about tradition. It’s about loyalty to the team and camaraderie with the other fans, and win or lose, just enjoying the damned game.”
I spread my hands. “It’s about fun again, Mr. Donovan. Wrigley Field might be the only stadium in professional ball where you can say that.”
Donovan stared at me as though I’d started speaking in Welsh. “I don’t understand.”
I sighed again. “Yeah. I know.”
*   *   *
My ticket was for general admission, but I thought I’d take a look around before the game got started. Carlos Zambrano was on the mound warming up when I sat down next to Gwynn ap Nudd.
Human size, he was considerably over six feet tall, and he was dressed in the same clothes I’d seen back at his baseball shrine. Other than that, he looked exactly the way I remembered him. He was talking to a couple of folks in the row behind him, animatedly relating some kind of tale that revolved around the incredible arc of a single game-deciding breaking ball. I waited until he was finished with the story, and turned back out to the field.
“Good day,” Gwynn said to me.
I nodded my head just a little bit deeply. “And to you.”
He watched Zambrano warming up and grinned. “They’re going to fight through it eventually,” he said. “There are so many mortals now. Too many players and fans want them to do it.” His voice turned a little sad. “One day they will.”
My equations and I had eventually come to the same conclusion. “I know.”
“But you want me to do it now, I suppose,” he said. “Or else why would you be here?”
I flagged down a beer vendor and bought one for myself and one for Gwynn.
He stared at me for a few seconds, his head tilted to one side.
“No business,” I said, passing him one of the beers. “How about we just enjoy the game?”
Gwynn ap Nudd’s handsome face broke into a wide smile, and we both settled back in our seats as the Cubs took the cursed field.

 
Copyright © 2011 by Ellen Datlow

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
There were few good stories in this anthology but there were a LOT ...
By B. L. Pummer
There were few good stories in this anthology but there were a LOT of stories. And the good ones were great: particularly Briggs and Butcher who are favs of mine.

33 of 37 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent collection of modern Fairy Tales
By thebookwormgirl
With 20 authors contributing to this anthology, I have decided not to break it down by each story. My review would then be endless and y'all would just get bored reading it. Instead, I'll tell you that this is an outstanding collection of short stories that showcases some of the many faces of urban fantasy. From Horror to Faeries, a Wizard Detective, and the Troll of Seattle, you will find something you like in this collection.

My favorites are the following (in order of appearance):

1. Curses by Jim Butcher
2. On the Slide by Richard Bowes
3. Fairy Gifts by Patricia Briggs
4. Picking up the Pieces by Pat Cadigan
5. Underbridge by Peter S. Beagle
6. The Bricks of Gelecek by Matthew Kressel
7. The Way Station by Nathan Ballingrud
8. Guns for the Dead by Melissa Marr
9. King Pole, Gallows Pole, Bottle Tree by Elizabeth Bear

The other eleven stories are good, but to me, these just stood out as great examples of what a short story should be (a glimpse in a character's life, one theme explored; in short the modern fairy tale). With so many to choose from, I am sure there will be those who disagree with me on which stories are their favorites. But that is the beauty of this collection, it's all good and there is something for everyone

21 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
Naked City
By Brendan Moody
"Urban fantasy" is one of those subgenre labels that I've never been quite sure of the meaning of. I associate it primarily with Charles de Lint, an obviously gifted writer whose work I've never yet been able to enjoy, and with a certain type of contemporary magical realism. But in the case of Naked City, Ellen Datlow's new anthology, the meaning of urban fantasy is quite literal. Each of those twenty tales takes place in a city. The city might be a real one, or fictional; it might be within the United States (New York City features five times) or elsewhere in the world, or in another reality entirely; the setting might be past or present. But always, there is the city, bewitching and terrifying, frustrating and wonderful.

For many readers, the major attraction of this anthology will be Jim Butcher's "Curses," a Dresden Files story set in that series' milieu, Chicago. I'll confess that I've never read any of the series (supernatural detectives aren't my thing), and while "Curses" wasn't dazzling enough to change my mind on that, it's obvious that Butcher has mastered the wry private detective voice and done a credible job placing that voice in a world of fairies, demons, and yes, curses. This particular story is about baseball, another pastime that has entirely passed me by, but I imagine fans of the sport will get a kick out of Harry Dresden's investigation into the true story behind the Cubs' bad luck, and even I enjoyed it.

Fans of Ellen Kushner's Swordspoint and other novels set in that fantasy world will certainly want to pick up the anthology for "The Duke of Riverside," a story set both before and after the events of that novel, and featuring St. Vier and Alec. The same mixture of swordplay, sharp humor, and passion familiar from other Riverside fiction distinguishes this story, which also highlights the relationship between the aristocratic corner of the city and its less-wealthy regions.

Another star of contemporary fantasy, Peter S. Beagle, offers a grimly ironic story of the woes of academia in "Underbridge," where a visiting professor of children's literature finds himself drawn to Seattle's Fremont Troll statue... and imagines he sees it move. His discovery of the troll's secret life and his precarious position at the university lead to a harrowing decline and a darkly satisfying climax.

In "The Projected Girl," Lavie Tidhar offers an eerie mystery from a magician's scrapbook, but the real joy of the story is the evocation of a young boy's experience of growing up in Haifa, from bookshop visits to encounters with fascinating or disturbing relatives to the sheer pleasure of exploring the city itself. Multi-faceted yet elusive, exotic yet radiantly human, this is a story not to be missed.

Born out of one of those bizarre comparisons people dream up when trying to communicate the size of something, John Crowley's "And Go Like This" at first seems like it will beat a metaphor to death, but Crowley weaves words so well that what might have been a ridiculous premise becomes a powerful dream of community and the recognition of common humanity. If only it could be true.

For sheer creepiness, nothing in the anthology can match Jeffrey Ford's "Daddy Longlegs of the Evening." Its opening sentence is "It was said that when he was a small child, asleep in his bed one end-of-summer night, a spider crawled into his ear, traversed a maze of canals, eating slowly through membrane and organ, to discover the cavern of the skull." The imagery remains that disturbing, but its scope expands, ending with a vision of widening horror reminiscent of Thomas Ligotti.

And in "The Colliers' Venus (1893)," Caitlin R. Kiernan brings the reader to Cherry Creek, an alternate version of Denver, Colorado in a steampunk-influenced world. Like much of Kiernan's fiction, this stories draws on the author's knowledge of paleontology and the long history of inexplicable Fortean events, as Professor Jeremiah Ogilvy investigates a strange discovery made in the mine tunnels beneath the city. Kiernan's gift for describing weird vistas of cosmic terror in poetic language results in a fine tale redolent of humanity's ignorance and impermanence.

These were my own favorite stories from the anthology, but there are others every bit as striking, from "Oblivion by Calvin Klein," a sharp-edged absurdist satire on conspicuous consumption, to "Picking Up the Pieces," about an unusual encounter during the fall of the Berlin Wall, to "Priced to Sell," an inventive comic fantasy about the New York real estate scene. I hope it's obvious from these bare descriptions that readers should check any preconceptions about "urban fantasy" at the door. This is an anthology that captures the full scope of the genre, from humorous to dark, from epic to magical realism. With a contributor list full of best sellers, award winners, and legends of the genre, Naked City is a thick, rich anthology, not to be missed.

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Monday, October 26, 2015

@ Download PDF Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty, by Nick Bruel

Download PDF Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty, by Nick Bruel

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Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty, by Nick Bruel

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Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty, by Nick Bruel

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Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty, by Nick Bruel

Get ready to party!

It's Bad Kitty's birthday, and she's wishing for a special gift. If she doesn't get it, well . . . things won't be pretty for her guests. The guest list includes Chatty Kitty, Strange Kitty, Stinky Kitty, and her other neighborhood "pals." Plus, don't forget Uncle Murray and Poor Puppy! Join in on the fun in this riotous companion to Bad Kitty Gets a Bath!

  • Sales Rank: #14042 in Books
  • Brand: Roaring Brook Press
  • Published on: 2010-05-11
  • Released on: 2010-05-11
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 7.95" h x .47" w x 5.55" l, .40 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 176 pages

Review

“The frenetic black-and-white illustrations are just plain hysterical. . . . Fun for all, especially fans.” ―Kirkus Reviews

“It's Bad Kitty's unapologetic, curmudgeon nature that delivers the laugh-out-loud funny.” ―Publishers Weekly

“Bruel's fast-paced humor is just right for the beginning chapter book set, and the interplay of the text with the comic black-and-white illustrations ratchets up the zaniness level. . . . A frenzied fusion of fiction and nonfiction with plenty of appeal for young readers.” ―School Library Journal

About the Author

Nick Bruel is the author and illustrator of New York Times bestseller Boing! and the Bad Kitty books, among others. He is a freelance illustrator and cartoonist, and during his down time, he collects PEZ dispensers and grows tomatoes in the backyard. He lives in Tarrytown, NY with his wife Carina and their lovely cat Esmerelda.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

CHAPTER ONE

GOOD MORNING, KITTY!

GOOD MORNING, KITTY!

Today is going to be a great day! The sun is shining! The birds are singing! Flowers are blooming everywhere with all the colors of the rainbow!

You know what today is, don’t you, Kitty? Today is a very special day! Today is the kind of day that only comes once a year! Today is the kind of day that you celebrate ALL day long! Today is the kind of day that deserves a BIG, FUN PARTY!

Now, do you know what today is?

TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

And that means we start your very special day with a very special BIRTHDAY BREAKFAST!

We made all of your favorites...

Aardvark Bagels, Clam Doughnuts, Eel Fritters, Grilled Hummingbirds, Iguana Jelly, Koala Lemonade, Mongoose and Nuts, Orangutan Pancakes, Quetzal Raisin bread, Snake Tortillas, Unicorn and Vegetable juice, Walrus in XO sauce, and for dessert a Yak Zabaglione!

Excerpted from Happy Birthday Bsd Kitty by Nick Bruel.
Copyright 2009 by Nick Bruel.
Published in September 2009 by Roaring Brook Press.
All rights reserved. This work is protected under copyright laws and reproduction is strictly prohibited. Permission to reproduce the material in any manner or medium must be secured from the Publisher.

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Teachers beware
By OliviaP
Teachers beware...my students love these books, however the quality of how they are made is simply horrendous. Started falling apart within two weeks of use. Not constructed for classroom use.

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
We love Bad Kitty
By Jennifer Ellsworth
Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty just arrived this afternoon. Although it is a children's book, it is very funny for adults, too, and my husband and I read it over each others' shoulders after work and had a much needed laugh. Especially on page 140.

Yes, it has over 140 pages, but they are short, and it took us only about 10 minutes to read silently. We haven't finished reading it to our daughter yet, but I am guessing it would take about 45 minutes to read aloud, or maybe longer if you can't stop laughing.

There are informative facts about cats in the book, such as their crepuscular nature (not many kids' books use that word), how cat's claws grow, and why they shouldn't eat chocolate.

The book is long enough, and the vocabulary complex enough, that one might wonder if kids would like it. The answer is yes. Our 5-year-old daughter loves all four Bad Kitty books, both the long and the short ones, and finds them hilarious. I asked her why, and she said it was the biting and destruction. She also likes the illustrations and the stories.

For those who read the previous Bad Kitty books, it didn't seem as wordy as Bad Kitty Gets a Bath. Also, although the alphabet makes a triumphant return in the early pages, it is mostly a story, not an alphabet book. For those who haven't read the previous books, give them a try!

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Good Book
By Amazon Customer
My 1st Grader purchased this book at the Book Fair and I really thought this was going to be a waste of time and money (the title and cover really didn't do it for me). But, my kid insisted that her teacher had it in their class library and that it would be a fun book. To my surprise, I really enjoyed reading this book with both of my kids (I also have a third grader). It is especially entertaining because we have a cat similar to Bad Kitty. The illustrations and layout, combine story, comic book, and interesting facts into one place, so there is even something for adults to learn. This is also one of the few books that does justice for both of my kids and they even read and laugh together with this one, and it doesn't even need stickers. If your family has a cat, kids will notice the similarities too, so I would really recommmend purchasing it. Plus, as an adult it is a little more enjoyable to follow.

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>> Download Burned: A House of Night Novel, by P. C. Cast, Kristin Cast

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Burned: A House of Night Novel, by P. C. Cast, Kristin Cast

When friends stop trusting each other, Darkness is there to fan the flames….

Things have turned black at the House of Night. Zoey Redbird's soul has shattered. With everything she's ever stood for falling apart, and a broken heart making her want to stay in the Otherworld forever, Zoey's fading fast. It's seeming more and more doubtful that she will be able pull herself back together in time to rejoin her friends and set the world to rights. As the only living person who can reach her, Stark must find a way to get to her. But how? He will have to die to do so, the Vampyre High Council stipulates. And then Zoey will give up for sure. There are only 7 days left…

Enter BFF Stevie Rae. She wants to help Z but she has massive problems of her own. The rogue Red Fledglings are acting up, and this time not even Stevie Rae can protect them from the consequences. Her kinda boyfriend, Dallas, is sweet but too nosy for his own good. The truth is, Stevie Rae's hiding a secret that might be the key to getting Zoey home but also threatens to explode her whole world.

In the middle of the whole mess is Aphrodite: ex-Fledgling, trust-fund baby, total hag from Hell (and proud of it). She's always been blessed (if you could call it that) with visions that can reveal the future, but now it seems Nyx has decided to speak through her with the goddess's own voice, whether she wants it or not. Aphrodite's loyalty can swing a lot of different ways, but right now Zoey's fate hangs in the balance.

Three girls… playing with fire… if they don't watch out, everyone will get Burned.

  • Sales Rank: #132370 in Books
  • Brand: St. Martin's Griffin
  • Published on: 2010-04-27
  • Released on: 2010-04-27
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 8.65" h x 1.27" w x 5.78" l, .90 pounds
  • Binding: Hardcover
  • 323 pages
Features
  • Great product!

Review

“Cast and Cast pull out all the stops and take this story to shattering new heights with devastating consequences!” ―Romantic Times (4 ½ stars) on Tempted

“P. C. And Kristin Cast havef made an absolutely amazing [YA] series. The visuals offered by this fantastic duo are entertaining and imaginative, with nonstop action… This is easily a [YA] series that can entertain adults with action, hot Vampyres, true friendship, budding romance, a loving Goddess, and a twist of the unexpected.” ―HowlingGoodBooks.com (5 stars) on Tempted

“I loved every one of the books in the [House of Night] series. Tempted is my definite favorite…. This book had me ripping through the pages.” ―Teen review on Flamingnet.com on Tempted

“Move over, Stephenie Meyer.” ―People on Hunted

“Zoey Redbird's first-person adventures take on added danger and importance in the latest House of Night release. Forced by circumstance to grow up quickly, Zoey's emotional and spiritual evolution is fascinating. The Cast duo breathes life and vibrancy into the characters and makes each one an integral part of the saga. Awesome and unforgettable as always!” ―Romantic Times (4.5 stars) on Hunted

“The Cast duo has done it again! These ladies appear to be an unstoppable force within the world of YA literature… Teenage readers will be drawn to Zoey's everyday, angst-riddled life. Not only does she need to save the world, Zoey needs to solve some major vampyre/human boy drama. These stories are surreal, yet shockingly accurate when it comes to teenagers and their lives.” ―TeensReadToo.com (5 stars) on Hunted

“The most masterful part of the writing lies in how the authors take on serious issues sex, peer pressure, bullying, parental alienation, religion, and substance abuse and weave them into the text. It is a refreshing perspective that doesn't feel like preaching.” ―Tulsa World on Hunted

“I absolutely loved this book…. I enjoyed the story line very much and thought that the authors had correctly portrayed the mind of a teenager…. I would recommend this book to vampyre fans and anyone who would enjoy a wondrous fantasy story.” ―Teen review on Flamingnet.com on Hunted

“An exceptional vampire tale… P.C. and Kristin Cast do a phenomenal job.” ―Darquereviews.com on Hunted

“Hunted is an appealing supernatural thriller… The exciting storyline is filled with teenage angst as Zoey struggles with choices that would cause PTSD in most adults…. This fine entry casts a strong spell on readers.” ―Thebestreviews.com on Hunted

“A richly nuanced standout… Even when she's confused, even when she's embroiled in teen-angst, Zoey's choices, delivered in fresh first person, seem believable. Even better? They seem smart…. This series has dark themes and subject matter, but the Cast team delivers them with sparkling dialogue, wry humor, and realistic characters driven by genuine humanity.” ―Fictionistas.blogspot.com on Hunted

“Untamed is a fast moving and adventure filled read, with engaging characters and just a touch of romantic chemistry to keep fans guessing. This is a well-written young adult series that should easily appeal to both teens and adults.” ―Darque Reviews

“Chosen, The House of Night series book 3, is like the cream in an Oreo cookie holding the two ends together. This story is gearing up for the final showdown between Zoey and Nepheret and mother and daughter team, P.C. and Kristen Cast are setting the stage perfectly for this….Again, P.C. Cast is an auto-buy author for me and this series is also on that auto-buy list.” ―Paranormal Romance Reviews

“Betrayed continues the House of Night series in a chilling fashion. PC and Kristin Cast once again prove their talent in telling a tale filled with all the normal teenage angst compounded with becoming a Vampyre….If you liked the first book in the series, you'll love this one!” ―Paranormal Romance Reviews

“This highly addicting series offers a unique twist on the standard vampyre story and is sure to please a wide variety of readers. Although she is a vampyre, Zoey Redbird’s journey is one for every teen. Her voice is genuine and … captures the sincerity and frankness of a teenager in search of a new home and a place where she truly belongs. The emotional portrayal of Zoey’s trouble and tribulations enhances the quality of these books. True to life, she struggles with issues of truest, loyalty, love, sexuality, and identity and moves though a myriad of conflicting emotions from happiness to confusion to grief. These books will have the reader laughing hysterically and sobbing unreservedly―sometimes all at once.” ―VOYA (on both Marked and Betrayed)

“Marked is one of the best coming of age stories to come out of Oklahoma since S. E. Hinton's The Outsiders. It teaches about the beauty of being a social outcast, friendship, and finding your own inner spirituality.” ―The Beltane Papers

“From the moment I stuck my face in this book it hooked me! Totally awesome new take on vampires! Marked is hot and dark and funny. It rocks!” ―Gena Showalter, author of MTV's Oh My Goth

About the Author

P.C. Cast is an award-winning fantasy and paranormal romance author, as well as an experienced speaker and teacher. With her daughter Kristin Cast, she is the author of the House of Night novels, including Awakened, Betrayed and Hunted. Cast was born in the Midwest, and as a girl fell in love with mythology. After high school, she joined the U.S. Air Force, then taught high school for 15 years before retiring to write full time. Cast's novels are New York Times bestsellers and have been awarded the Oklahoma Book Award, YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers, Romantic Times Reviewers' Choice Award, the Prism, Holt Medallion, Daphne du Maurier, Booksellers' Best, and the Laurel Wreath. Ms. Cast lives in Oklahoma, where she is a member of the Oklahoma Writers' Hall of Fame. She splits her time between her ranch and midtown Tulsa where she has a home just down the street from the House of Night...

Kristin Cast has won awards for her poetry and journalism. She also lives in Oklahoma, where she attends college in Tulsa.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
BURNED (Chapter 1)

Kalona

Kalona lifted his hands. He didn't hesitate. There was no doubt whatsoever in his mind about what he had to do. He would not allow anything or anyone to get in his way, and this human boy was standing between him and what he desired. He didn't particularly want to kill the boy; he didn't particularly want the boy alive, either. It was a simple necessity. He didn't feel remorse or regret. As had been the norm during the centuries since he'd fallen, Kalona felt very little. So, indifferently, the winged immortal twisted the boy's neck and put an end to his life.

"No!"

The anguish of that one word froze Kalona's heart. He dropped the boy's lifeless body and whirled around in time to see Zoey racing toward him. Their eyes met. In hers were despair and hatred. In his was an impossible denial. He tried to formulate the words that might make her understand--might make her forgive him. But there was nothing he could say to change what she had seen, and even if he could work the impossible, there was no time.

Zoey threw the full power of the element spirit at him.

It hit the immortal, striking him with force that was beyond physical. Spirit was his essence--his core--the element that had sustained him for centuries and with which he had always been most comfortable, as well as most powerful. Zoey's attack seared him. It lifted him with such force that he was hurled over the huge stone wall that separated the vampyres' island and the Gulf of Venice. The icy water engulfed him, smothering him. For an instant the pain within Kalona was so deadening that he didn't fight it. Perhaps he should let this terrible struggle for life and its trappings end. Perhaps, once again, he should allow himself to be vanquished by her. But less than a heartbeat after he had the thought, he felt it. Zoey's soul shattered and, as truly as his fall had carried him from one realm to another, her spirit departed this world.

The knowledge wounded him worse than had her blow against him.

Not Zoey! He'd never meant to cause her harm. Even through all of Neferet's machinations, through all of the Tsi Sgili's manipulations and plans, he'd held tight to the knowledge that, in spite of everything, he would use his vast immortal powers to keep Zoey safe because ultimately she was the closest he could come to Nyx in this realm--and this was the only realm left to him.

Fighting to recover from Zoey's attack, Kalona lifted his massive body from the clutching waves and realized the truth. Because of him, Zoey's spirit was gone, which meant she would die. With his first breath of air, he released a wrenching cry of despair, echoing her last word, "No!"

Had he really believed since his fall that he didn't truly have feelings? He'd been a fool and wrong, so very wrong. Emotions battered him as he flew raggedly just above the waterline, chipping away at his already wounded spirit, raging against him, weakening him, bleeding his soul. With blurred, blackened vision, he stared across the lagoon, squinting to see the lights that heralded land. He'd never make it there. It would have to be the palace. He had no choice. Using the last reserves of his strength, Kalona's wings beat against the frigid air, lifting him over the wall, where he crumpled to the frozen earth.

He didn't know how long he lay there in the cold darkness of the shattered night as emotions overwhelmed his shaken soul. Somewhere in the far reaches of his mind, he understood the familiarity of what had happened to him. He'd fallen again, only this time it was more in spirit than in body--though his body didn't seem his to command any longer either.

He felt her presence before she spoke. It had been like that between them from the first, whether he truly wished it or not--they simply sensed one another.

"You allowed Stark to bear witness to your killing of the boy!" Neferet's voice was more frigid than the winter sea.

Kalona turned his head so that he could see more than the toe of her stiletto shoe. He looked up at her, blinking to try to clear his vision.

"Accident." Finding his voice again he managed a rasping whisper. "Zoey should not have been there."

"Accidents are unacceptable, and I care not one bit that she was there. Actually, the result of what she saw is rather convenient."

"You know that her soul shattered?" Kalona hated the unnatural weakness in his voice and the strange lethargy in his body almost as much as he hated the effect Neferet's icy beauty had on him.

"I imagine most of the vampyres on the island know it. Typically for her, Zoey's spirit wasn't exactly quiet in its leave-taking. I wonder, though, how many of the vampyres also felt the blow the chit dealt you just before she departed." Neferet tapped her chin contemplatively with one long, sharp fingernail.

Kalona remained silent, struggling to center himself and draw together the ragged edges of his torn spirit, but the earth his body pressed against was too real, and he had not the strength to reach above and feed his soul from the wispy vestiges of the Otherworld that floated there.

"No, I don't imagine any of them felt it," Neferet continued, in her coldest, most calculating voice. "None of them are connected to Darkness, to you, as I am. Is that not so, my love?"

"We are uniquely connected," Kalona managed, though he suddenly wished the words were not true.

"Indeed . . ." she said, still distracted by her thoughts. Then Neferet's eyes widened as a new realization came to her. "I have long wondered how it was that A-ya managed to wound you, such a physically powerful immortal, badly enough that those ridiculous Cherokee hags could entrap you. I believe little Zoey has just provided the answer you've so carefully withheld from me. Your body can be damaged but only through your spirit. Isn't that fascinating?"

"I will heal." He put as much strength as possible in his voice. "Return me to Capri and the castle there. Take me to the rooft op, as close to the sky as I can be, and I will regain my strength."

"I imagine you would--were I so inclined to do that. But I have other plans for you, my love." Neferet lifted her arms, extending them over him. As she continued to speak she began weaving her long fingers through the air, creating intricate patterns, like a spider spinning her web. "I will not allow Zoey to interfere with us ever again."

"A shattered soul is a death sentence. Zoey is no longer any threat to us," he said. With knowing eyes, Kalona watched Neferet. She drew to her a sticky blackness he recognized all too well. He'd spent lifetimes battling that Darkness before he embraced its cold power. It pulsed and fluttered familiarly, restlessly under her fingers. She shouldn't be able to command Darkness so tangibly. The thought drifted like the echo of a death knell through his weary mind. A High Priestess shouldn't have such power.

But Neferet was no longer merely a High Priestess. She had grown beyond the boundaries of that role some time ago, and she had no trouble controlling the writhing blackness she conjured.

She is becoming immortal, Kalona realized, and with the realization, fear joined regret and despair and anger where they already simmered within the fallen Warrior of Nyx.

"One would think it would be a death sentence," Neferet spoke calmly as she drew more and more of the inky threads to her, "but Zoey has a terribly inconvenient habit of surviving. This time I am going to ensure she dies."

"Zoey's soul also has a habit of reincarnating," he said, purposefully baiting Neferet to try to throw off her focus.

"Then I will destroy her over and over again!" Neferet's concentration only increased with the anger his words evoked. The blackness she spun intensified, writhing with swollen power in the air around her.

"Neferet." He tried to reach her by using her name. "Do you truly understand what it is you are attempting to command?"

Her gaze met his, and, for the first time, Kalona saw the scarlet stain that nested in the darkness of her eyes. "Of course I do. It's what lesser beings call evil."

"I am not a lesser being, and I, too, have called it evil."

"Ah, not for centuries you haven't." Her laughter was vicious. "But it seems lately you've been living too much with shadows from your past instead of reveling in the lovely dark power of the present. I know who is to blame for that."

With a tremendous effort, Kalona pushed himself to a sitting position.

"No. I don't want you to move." Neferet flicked one finger at him, and a thread of darkness snaked around his neck, tightened, and jerked him down, pinning him to the ground again.

"What is it you want of me?" he rasped.

"I want you to follow Zoey's spirit to the Otherworld and be sure none of her friends"--she sneered the word--"manage to find a way to coax her to rejoin her body."

Shock jolted through the immortal. "I have been banished by Nyx from the Otherworld. I cannot follow Zoey there."

"Oh, but you are wrong, my love. You see, you always think too literally. Nyx ousted you--you fell--you cannot return. So you have believed for centuries that is that. Well, you literally cannot." She sighed dramatically as he stared at her blankly. "Your gorgeous body was banished, that's all. Did Nyx say anything about your immortal soul?"

"She need not say it. If a soul is separated from a body for too long, the body will die."

"But your body isn't mortal, which means it can be separated indefinitely from its soul without dying," she said.

Kalona struggled to keep the terror her words filled him with from his expression. "It is true that I cannot die, but that does not mean I will remain undamaged if my spirit leaves my body for too long." I could age . . . go mad . . . become a never dying shell of myself . . . The possibilities swirled through his mind.

Neferet shrugged. "The...

Most helpful customer reviews

62 of 67 people found the following review helpful.
Much to my surprise, I liked it.
By CLB77
Listen, if you're looking at reviews for the 7th book in the series, you've probably read some of the previous books already so you know this: these books are like Twinkies. They're really terrible, yet are a sometimes delicious guilty pleasure. I hate myself a little more after every one I buy, yet I can't seem to stop myself either. I admit I even preordered this one. So coming into Burned, I fully expected to hate it... and was more than a little shocked to find I didn't. I even kind of liked it.

Okay sure, it's got 100% all of the flaws the other books have had... stereotypes, irritating banter, character indecision, hokey slang and dialect, and (particularly as seen in Tempted) a bit of a dragging plot.

But you know what it didn't have? A lot of Zoey! And almost none of the Twins! Halle-freaking-lujah! Instead it was filled with the characters I actually like best- Aphrodite, Stark, Rephaim, and (one I like to an extent) Stevie Rae. What can I say; the `bad' characters are the most interesting and by far the least annoying. The interaction between Stevie Rae and Rephaim is certainly the most interesting plot twist the authors have introduced, and this book is heavy on its development, with a lot of perspective from both characters. Stark also plays a predominant role, and while I thought the authors were a little weak on writing from his perspective (I think they seem to have a better sense of his character from outside of him), I still enjoyed his larger part in this book. Some readers clearly don't care for the frequent switching of narrators, but (aside from the Rephaim/Stevie Rae relationship mentioned above), I think it's the best thing the authors have done. Frankly, we can all use a little break from Zoey, and in a series we readers have had to invest so much time in, it's nice to be able to know some of the other major characters outside of just how the main narrator sees them.

What I'm about to say shouldn't really be a SPOILER, but I'll make sure to warn you anyway. So, really unshocking SPOILER ALERT: Now that Zoey's back together (come on, you really didn't think her soul would stay shattered, did you?), I suspect she'll be the main narrator in the next book again, and will spend lots of time with the `nerd herd,' so I'll probably go back to hate/loving it as much as the others... but Burned to me was a surprising breath of fresh air in a series that is dragging.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
My review
By Severin
This was a great book. The suspense was real. I can't wait to move on to the next book to see what happens. Zoey's journey still continues and I wanna know.

159 of 188 people found the following review helpful.
I won't buy these books anymore
By Paige
Also appears on The Screaming Nitpicker.

A little background info before I begin: I loved the first four House of Night books, though I still had my issues with them. When the fifth book came out, I wasn't fond of it, but it was decent. Tempted, the sixth book, was just awful. In accordance with my two book rule (in which one bad book in a series is a fluke, but two means that I will stop reading the series), Burned was going to be the big decision-making book. After reading this awful novel, I can safely say I am done with the House of Night series for good. The Casts will not make another cent off me.

After Tempted's cliffhanger ending, Zoey's soul has shattered and she's trapped in the Otherworld with Heath. As her friends scramble to being her back before her body dies, Neferet sees a chance to permanently eliminate the threat Zoey poses. Back in Tulsa, Stevie Rae is dealing with her Imprint on Rephaim and her fledglings, both good and evil.

The only positive aspect of this book was the mythology. The one thing that made the House of Night series stand out to me in the beginning was the unique mythology unlike anything else that was being written at the time. I thought the Scottish elements and the thing with the black and white bulls were blended in well with the Wiccan and Native American mythology already present. If it weren't for that, I would have dropped this series at the first book, so at some point, the books were bound to get so bad that the mythos couldn't keep me reading. This happened during Burned.

What bothers me the worst about this series? The language. Good God, the language. This novel is categorized as young adult (with an ages 12-18 target audience). Zoey's "voice" as the narrator and the writing style that accompanies it has the maturity level of a thirteen-year-old. Meanwhile, the subject matter that has come up over the entire series is for about fifteen and up, if not sixteen. I find this gap a little puzzling.

I don't know who the Casts are copying this language from because teens that are the same age as these characters? They don't speak like that. The Cast women's attempts at writing authentic teen language are so off-the-mark that it's almost insulting. Of course, what would I know about how teens talk? I'm just a sixteen-year-old girl enrolled in a public high school! Don't get me started on Kramisha or I won't shut up.

I don't like it much when the point-of-view in a novel jumps around like a kangaroo on speed, but that's what happens here. I didn't like it in Tempted when they started changing points-of-view, but it gets so much worse here. Just as something began to happen with one group, it would switch to the other and follow them for a while. I know that they changed from Zoey's point-of-view (which I was thankful to see less of in this book) in order to cover Stevie Rae's plot lines and such, but I wish they hadn't done that in the middle of the series. The constant bouncing between groups with rare input from Zoey was not too fun for me.

I hated Zoey from the start, but I didn't let my hatred of her stop me from enjoying the world-building and great supporting characters. What I liked least was how she strung along three guys at once for most of the series, which was fixed with some character rape (excuse my vulgar phrasing) and death. I was happy about that. Then Zoey told Heath that she couldn't live without him and wanted to stay with him forever in this book. So her loved ones back in the living world were collectively worth less than this one boy? Ugh! I hate to see girls in books saying that they can't live without this guy or would die without him. Yes, you will live without him and no, you will not die without him. When will they get it? Men are not like food! They are not required for living! It almost seems like fictional girls can't survive on their own anymore.

In addition, the villains were hardly frightening to me because they were hardly there. I'm quite surprised the all-powerful Neferet hasn't found a way to kill Zoey yet without implicating herself and once the Casts decide whether Kalona is good or evil, shout it from the rooftops and write it on the skyline for me. He flips back and forth more than the points-of-view. I used to take issue with how convenient it was for Stark to be the one person in the entire world who could save Zoey due to his lineage, but I'm a little more okay with that now. That's still a huge case of extreme coincidence...

There are also time continuity errors I didn't pick up until much later. According to my research, Marked was published in May 2007, so let's assume that the book began in fall of that year. (It's only logical, right?) In Betrayed, Zoey has been at the House of Night for a month and Christmas happens in Chosen. At best, a month or two has passed during the last four books alone (Untamed likely took place over a few weeks, Hunted happened over an estimated three days, Tempted and Burned probably covered about a week each). No matter what, it is impossible for more than a year to have passed within the House of Night series, though three years have passed out here. But what's this? In Burned, they make references to Glee, which didn't start airing until May 2009! And inside the books, it's still 2008! I call plot hole! Call me out on it if I made a mistake in that math or if more time has passed than I'm aware of, but I'm absolutely sure it's impossible for enough time to have elapsed inside the books to be able to make Glee references and have them be timely pop culture. This is why authors should be cautious and careful when using pop culture in their novels.

I wanted to like this book. I really did. Maybe I could have passed off Tempted as a fluke, but it's obvious now that the authors have lost what got me interested in the first place. The Casts have lost me and countless others who can't take it anymore as fans. There are more fans every day to replace us, so it's not like they're truly suffering any losses.

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